We all have words to sum up what we consider to feel and remember about places, ambiences, people, moments, and also taste of certain foods. Due to that, we also have a word for certain thing that probably can be our primary destination to grow with or just be a companion to string along the journey. In the end, we eventually deduce, collect, and save the entire of it in our deep memories. So, I think, by telling it is somehow indulging because the story itself is quite ageless.
Since October 2016, I knew that I was the part of something bigger, admitting I was no longer a person who can do series of activities without thinking about mandatory was pretty scary. That day, I thought I was not a wild young girl who thinks dreams are supposed to be true anymore then I started to think bigger too, so I told myself that everything will always fit in its genuine way (fate?).
Despite praising that I already have a job in my early 20s, the idea of new thing adjustment stage or adaptation oftentimes terrifies the part of me, in the otherwise I hope it does not last long. Until November 2016, official announcement revealed afterwards; been becoming the government employee in Directorate General of Customs and Excise that people usually called it as Bea Cukai, but I did not ever fancy I would literally fly to Central Borneo on December 2016 to fulfill a so-called ‘penempatan dinas’ or ‘panggilan dinas’ to work there for a range of time. That was completely breathtaking and heartbreaking at the same time. Meanwhile, as my first place to deliver performances as government employee, Pangkalan Bun also takes a huge contribution in how much I evolve in this process of self discovery.
Dealing with something we think we do not fit for a lifetime
Living afar from something you used to do and you once were surrounded by is also maddening sometimes. But that is all what life offers to us. I was surprised but I enjoyed it since then. I learned that we probably watch unexpected things take over our life but that is really okay. It has always been okay. In the end, those things made me realize that actually I could easily relate to the reality I currently deal with and live in it consciously. Used to carry on urban life, wowing to every development occasions which city often offers; open public discussions, book launches, sharing sessions with people who have their silver lining and got international recognitions, myriad of melting spots like book stores, art exhibitions, cafe with its book collections (such as my favorite space in Kemang: Coffee War), brings my upset to the new level since I knew I would not meet such as those things in my current place, Pangkalan Bun. At the very beginning, I did not feel my eyes brightly glance in this place as usually I do. I was not be able to think what my years is going to be like to spend right here.
But afterwards, I no longer worry about everything. I knew that I can still read books as many as I want, read articles and play The Sims in my spare time, find a cafe named Kobuki with its book collections, talk with friends (which also my colleagues) about everything (about books and movie too, because some of them are bookworm and movie goer!), watch movies almost three times a week (thanks you WiFi, Torrent, and Indo XXI), and keep up with other things which likely my habits and beliefs that keep me sane wherever I go. Meanwhile, I thank to God for other particular chances that I can undergo something I never experience before such glancing natural landscape of Borneo, grasping the air with no pollution, hearing another dialect in daily basis, etc.
Dari situ, saya belajar bahwa banyak sekali kekhawatiran yang sebenarnya tidak perlu ada. Di mana bersahabat dengan sebuah perbedaan dari apa yang kita yakini itu menyenangkan juga karena saya rasa, disamping mengisi diri untuk hal-hal yang memang kita gemari, masih banyak tempat yang tersedia di hati dan pikiran kita yang bisa diisi banyak hal yang justru tidak kita bayangkan sama sekali sebelumnya. They both have the same light to everyone’s life because they makes a human human, don't they? So we can taste thousands of pretty dicstinct feelings.
Cheers to every possibility in life!
(Always be) Ready for engaging with change
Once you choose your life as government employee (esp. Douane), it means you also willingly become a nomad. You can judge me from any angle of what I told here and what I shared, but for me, dealing with changes (especially unwanted ones) is a vague feeling and I always need time for that, tho the clause ‘mau gimana lagi, memang begitu adanya’ is somehow overrated. Tapi saya sepenuhnya sadar bahwa hidup memang tentang memilih dan being fully responsible afterwards. Sekalipun pada dasarnya, saya menaruh minat pada hal-hal yang settle di masa depan dan berpindah tempat hanya jika saya menginginkannya. Tapi hidup juga tentang menerima bahwa hal-hal yang sekarang terjadi kebanyakan tidak sama persis dengan apa yang kita inginkan untuk terjadi.
There are things that matters and keep myself presumably going to accept a reality in which people literally come and go. I see how basically I am bound with intimacy with certain place (such Bintaro) and people whom I met in my life (whom I recognize as the special ones; best friends and crush). Likewise, it took several months to understand that I also felt a great sensation while I underwent the despairing atmosphere due to leaving all the memories about people and places behind and back to your office, and then continue doing your jobdesks as usual.
Sometimes you would be wonder your mind is still full of the taste of particular food you once licked, the ambience of cozy places you once visited, the new dialect you once tried, people who once made you laugh and warmed your day, and another beautiful things you once ever felt and they are just unforgettable even you have left them for several weeks or months or even years. Hal yang sama saya rasakan ketika usai menjalani diklat Prajabatan Golongan II di Makassar dan ketika usai menjalani diklat Kesamaptaan di Malang. Mungkin hal yang sama juga akan terjadi ketika saya menerima putusan mutasi dan dipindahtugaskan dari Pangkalan Bun ke tempat yang berbeda.
At my certain point of contemplation, I sense the better coming in every changes. I assure myself that I know better about dealing and living with it. By all means, changes have been always become good memories since then.
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